of rejection" or "fear of criticism?"
This fear of rejection manifests itself in an over-concern for the
approval or disapproval of your boss or other people. The fear of
rejection is often learned in early childhood as the result of a
giving the child what psychologists call "conditional love."
Rise Above the Need For Approval
Many parents made the mistake of giving love and approval to their
children only when their children did something that they wanted them
to do. A child who has grown up with this kind of conditional love
tends to seek for unconditional approval from others all his or her
life. When the child becomes an adult, this need for approval from the
parent is transferred to the workplace and onto the boss. The adult
employee can then become preoccupied with the opinion of the boss.
This preoccupation can lead to an obsession to perform to some
undetermined high standard.
Avoid Type A Behavior
Doctors Rosenman and Friedman, two San Francisco heart specialists,
have defined this obsession for performance as "Type A behavior."
Experts have concluded that approximately 60% of men and as many as
30% of women are people with Type A behavior.
Don't Burn Yourself Out
This Type A behavior can vary from mild forms to extreme cases. People
who are what they call "true Type A's" usually put so much pressure on
themselves to perform in order to please their bosses that they burn
themselves out. They often die of heart attacks before the age of 55.
This Type A behavior, triggered by conditional love in childhood, is a
very serious stress-related phenomenon in the American workplace.
Here are two things you can do immediately to deal with the fear of
rejection, criticism and disapproval.
First, realize and accept that the opinions of others are not
important enough for you to feel stressed, unhappy or over concerned
Even if they dislike you entirely, it has nothing to do with your own
personal worth and value as a person.
Second, refuse to be over concerned about what you think people are
thinking about you. The fact is that most people are not thinking
about you at all. Relax and get on with your life.