Edited by: Lawyer Asad
Although most people would have a hard time defining what chemistry between the two people means exactly, we all like to use that word to describe a connection that we have with the other person when we enjoy each other's company finding each other interesting, funny, sharing various specific views, and feeling strong sexual attraction toward each other.
On the other hand, "lack of chemistry" is a blanket statement
that we like to use to describe a situation in which we are not
attracted to the other person even though he/she could be great in many ways, and we can't quite explain why.
So, what is a good way to find out quickly and reliable whether there is chemistry between you and your date whether it's your first date or later?
One of the most effective ways to accomplish this is by having the most simple, the most "boring" dates. Interesting enough, when there is chemistry between two people they really, really enjoy being with each other even if they do absolutely nothing.
Thus, if you invite a woman over to your place and you just have
a great time sitting next to each other and watching a bad tv
show, or just talking and then possibly going to bed together
and enjoying intimacy, then obviously you have great chemistry
- a connection that doesn't depend on external sources of entertainment.
On the other hand, if as soon as you are planning a date, one of you or both of you is really anxious to figure what what you are going to be doing once you meet, because being in a company of each other doesn't really do anything for either of you or both of you, it is a pretty strong indication that there
is no good romantic chemistry between the two of you and there
must be a better person out there for you to date.
Many guys feel compelled to come up with creative destinations
for their dates.
Ironically, the most common reason for that is that the woman they are going out with or about to go out with is not the right one for them, or it's because they haven't learned yet
how to become and be INTERESTING to the opposite sex.
So, whenever you are going out on a date, do not worry so much about picking a unique destination.
Rather focus on learning how to be INTERESTING and using this simple way to find out whether there is that chemistry between you and her that you are interested in.
Advice on Dating Shy Girls
Before I dive into several useful tips on meeting shy girls, I believe it's important to address the question whether it is a good idea, for you, as a guy, to try to approach, meet and
date shy girls.
My answer is: absolutely. This is for several reasons.
First, many girls who make an impression of being shy are not
shy at all. Other girls are shy at first but later prove to be very outgoing.
But even if the girl is truly shy, once you uncover her true self, you might just be in for a pleasant suprise suprise, as that shy woman often turns into a very passionate dating partner (and sex partner as well) is in many ways more aggressive and open minded than those who don't seem to be shy.
So, don't perceive the low-key demeanor, modest clothing and
quiet voice as negative signs. Such a girl might just be smarter, more interesting, and more passionate in bed than many of those women who like to be in the "spotight" or who also are known as "attention whores."
If you laid your eye on a shy girl, there are a few things you need to keep in mind.
First, she is shy for one or more of the common reasons: she might
be inexperienced with men, she might be attracted to you as well
and is afraid to do/say the wrong thing, she might be conservative,
believing that she is not supposed to show any signs of interest, or she might be all of the above.
Regardless of the reasons for her shyness you should consider the following tips:
1. You should take things with a shy girl slower than with other women. You should give such a girl more time to get to the idea of being around a guy in general, and being around you specifically.
Curb your flirting and your normal pace of physical advances, as this might overwhelm her and even scare her.
2. Just as importantly, you must feel comfortable and act completely naturally around a shy girl. Even if being touched or kissed is a big deal to her, you must act like flirting and making graduate advances is the most natural thing for you.
If she sees that you are comfortable around her, then she will subconsciously mirror your behavior sooner or later and will also become more comfortable.
3. If she rejects any of your advances, such as pushing you away
when you try to hug her or kiss her, don't take it personally, unless it's clear than she doesn't like you, but retreat and act like nothing bad happened and then try to make an advance later.
Usually, a shy girl who is interested in you will feel guilty about pushing you away shortly after and will show far less resistance the next time you try to get closer to her.
If she rejects you again, it's perfectly appropriate to ask her if she finds you unattractive and whether you should stop bothering her.
A girl who likes you will quickly deny that and will expain to you why she acts the way she does, which in itself will be a great ice-breaker and will bring the two of you closer together.
4. Ironically, my observations and experiences of many guys that
I have interviewed indicate that shy girls can be extremely liberal sexually, and they might turn to be better partners in bed than many women who act and dress provocatively.
This means that you might be in for a treat when you meet and start dating a shy girl.
In sum, a shy girl might be a hidden treasure.
It might take a while to find her and get to know her, but she might prove to be a great love and great dating partner, once you pass those initial stages of breaking a slightly thicker ice of shyness.
And, if the girl is very shy and she avoids eye contact, tease her about it and ask her: "You are not looking me in the eyes... am I that ugly?"
It'll put her at ease and help up open up by shedding her inhibitions.
Keep it in mind that you gain more than you can expect by being kind, gentle and well mannered than by being rude, impatient and applying force.