4 Ways to Boost Your Self Confidence

4 Ways to Boost Your Self Confidence

By Michael Lee
Author of How to Be an Expert Persuader

In today's world, there is absolutely no room anymore for shrinking violets. You have to know how to have great self confidence, put yourself out there, shine a spotlight on yourself, and astound the world with your presence. This isn't a problem for people who are brimming with self esteem, but what about those who have yet to figure out how to have great self confidence?

It's no big mystery and isn't really something that's programmed into people's chromosomes from birth - it can be cultivated. For all you know, that cool and assured person you've been admiring had to work hard to conquer his shyness.

It usually starts with possessing a healthy amount of self esteem. If you don't know the good qualities you possess, or if you don't believe you have anything worthwhile to offer the world, how can you move forward to success? Here are some tips to help you build your confidence level.

Great Self Confidence Booster #1: Pump Up Your Self Esteem

Start out by assessing yourself. Be honest and brave enough to take a look at yourself; find out who you are and where you presently are in life. But don't start giving negative reviews of yourself.

Learn to have self discipline and silence your inner critic. Stop listening to that little voice of doubt that says you're not good enough or that other people are better than you. Tune in to thoughts that cheer you on and tell you exactly what you're good at. If you feel like focusing on your negative aspects, exercise self control and don't let yourself be overcome with despair. Use this opportunity to figure out how you can improve - and trust me, you can do better.

An important step is for you to take stock of your achievements. What have you accomplished in life? What kind of work are you good at? Do you have any talents or special skills? Answering these questions will give you a better sense of certainty about your abilities and will help you start thinking that, yes, you do have many fine qualities.

Great Self Confidence Booster #2: Overcome Shyness

Shyness prevents you from letting people see the real you, because you're afraid to say or do the wrong thing or to appear awkward. The problem is, by being shy and hanging back from the rest of the crowd, you're already projecting yourself as awkward. Take a look again at the first tip and give yourself a dose of self esteem by reminding yourself of your good traits.

Overcoming shyness doesn't mean that you have to start trying to dominate conversations or hog all the attention. You have to show respect, empathy, and recognition to others. All you need to do is emerge from your shell and be alert; always open yourself to interact with people. Always show your enthusiasm and radiate optimism, and you will naturally attract people's attention.

If someone approaches you, you don't have to look down at your feet or mumble inaudibly. Don't focus on how painfully shy you think you are and just listen to what the other person has to say. Believe it or not, there will be people out there who will have something interesting to say; they will then get you to share your views and ideas. Once you start talking and expressing yourself, then you've already taken a major step on having great self confidence.

Great Self Confidence Booster #3: Get Out There and Just Do It

Many of us don't think we are capable of doing the things we want because we're not sure about ourselves. Again, there's the dreaded voice of doubt. What you want is to be fearless enough so you'll be able to tackle all the things you've ever dreamed of doing.

Fear of failure is a big factor in the crumbling of our self-confidence, and this same fear is caused by our insistence on focusing on the negative side of things. True, it's never a bad thing to be cautious whenever we're thinking of new ventures, adventures, and activities, but too much caution will paralyze us, making us unable to take action.

So why not start thinking positively? Think hard about what you want to do. Join activities that may enhance your leadership and teamwork skills. If you stumble over any doubts or possible problems that will come up, don't immediately say, "I can't do it." Just imagine ways that will help you work around those problems.

Don't just second-guess your plans. Trust in your abilities and the fact that you can bounce back from any situation. That's already a big bonus. An even bigger plus for you is when you actually follow your dreams and achieve your goals, which would even make you feel confident that you can do anything.

Great Self Confidence Booster #4: Dress for Success

Shallow? Not really. You know how there are certain accessories or outfits that make you feel like a million bucks? This works the same way. Instead of putting on clothes that only make you feel drab and dull, choose the very things that make you stand out and feel special. It all starts in how you feel; and if you feel good about yourself, you will really act more confidently (and intelligently) throughout the day.

There are more ways on how to have great self confidence, but these are just some easy tactics for you to try. Building it may be a challenge for some, but just trust yourself and don't let doubt gnaw at you. With a little effort, you'll be shining brightly along with the best of people, so get to work!

Michael Lee is the author of the highly acclaimed How To Be An Expert Persuader... In 20 Days or Less. It reveals mind-altering persuasion secrets to greatly enhance your relationships, boost your career and business, and persuade anyone to willingly and eagerly do what you want... without them knowing it.

Edited by: Lawyer Asad

How to Plant Ideas in Someone's Mind

How to Plant Ideas in Someone's Mind

By Adam Dachis / Source: Lifehacker.com

If you've ever been convinced by a salesperson that you truly wanted a product, done something too instinctively, or made choices that seemed entirely out of character, then you've had an idea planted in your mind. Here's how it's done.

Before we get started, it's worth noting that planting an idea in someone's mind without them knowing is a form of manipulation. We're not here to judge you, but this is the sort of thing most people consider evil, so you probably shouldn't actually do anything you read here. Instead, use this information to stay sharp.

If you've seen the film Inception, you might think that planting an idea in someone's mind is a difficult thing to do. It's not. It's ridiculously easy and it's tough to avoid. We're going to take a look at some of the ways it can work.

Reverse Psychology Actually Works

Reverse psychology has become an enormous cliché. I think this peaked in 1995 with the release of the film Jumanji. (If you've seen it and remember it, you know what I'm talking about.)

The problem is that most people look at reverse psychology in a very simple way. For example, you'd say "I don't care if you want to go risk your life jumping out of a plane" to try and convince someone not to go skydiving. This isn't reverse psychology -- it's passive-aggressive. So let's leave that all behind and start from scratch.

If you're going to use logic reversals in your favor, you need to be subtle. Let's say you want your roommate to do the dishes because it's his or her turn. There's always this approach:
"Hey, would you mind doing the dishes? It's your turn."

But in this example we're assuming your roommate is lazy and the nice approach isn't going to get the job done. So what do you do? Something like this:

"Hey, I've decided I don't want to do the dishes anymore and am just going to start buying disposable stuff. Is that cool with you? If you want to give me some money, I can pick up extras for you, too."

What this does is present the crappy alternative to not doing the dishes without placing any blame. Rather than being preoccupied with an accusation, your roommate is left to only consider the alternative. This is how reverse psychology can be effective, so long as you say it like you mean it.

Never Talk About the Idea -- Talk Around It

Getting someone to want to do something can be tough if you know they're not going to want to do it, so you need to make them believe it was their idea. This is a common instruction, especially for salespeople, but it's much easier said than done. You have to look at planting ideas in the same way you'd look at solving a mystery. Slowly but surely you offer the target a series of clues until the obvious conclusion is the one you want. The key is to be patient, because if you rush through your "clues" it will be obvious. If you take it slow, the idea will form naturally in their mind all by itself.

Let's say you're trying to get your friend to eat healthier food. This is a good aim, but you've got a tough enemy: they're addicted to the Colonel and need a bucket of fried chicken at least once a day. Out of concern you tell them to eat healthier. They either think that's a good idea and then never do anything or just tell you to stop nagging them. For them to realize what they're doing to their body, they need to have an epiphany and you can make that happen by talking around the issue.

To do this you need to be very clever and very subtle, otherwise it will be obvious. You can't just say "oh, I read today that fried chicken is killing 10 million children in Arkansas every year" because that's a load of crap and comes with an incredibly obvious motivation for saying it. If chicken is the target, you need to make chicken seem really unappealing. Next time you sneeze, make a joke about coming down with the avian flu. When you're ordering at a restaurant together, verbally convey your decision to order something other than chicken because you just learned how most chicken is processed by restaurants.

When you've done enough of these things -- and, again, with enough space between them so that it doesn't seem like odd behavior -- you can start being a little more aggressive and stop going with your friend to get fried chicken. You can also take proactive steps to improve your own health and tell your friend 1) what you're doing, and 2) how well it's working for you. After a few weeks, if your friend hasn't decided to reconsider his or her position on frequent fried chicken, you can casually mention it and they should be much more open to having a real discussion.

Undersell

Underselling is probably one of the easiest and most effective ways to plant an idea in someone's mind. This is another version of reverse psychology but at a less aggressive level. Let's say you're trying to sell someone a hard drive. They could buy a 250GB, 500GB, or 1TB hard drive. You want to sell the largest hard drive possible because those cost more and mean more money for you. Your buyer is coming in with the idea that they want to spend the least money possible. You're not going to get very far by telling them they should spend more money when you know they don't want to. Instead, you need to cater to what they want: the cheap option. Here's a sample dialogue:

Buyer: Can you tell me about this 250GB hard drive? I want to make sure it will work for me.

You: What kind of computer do you have and what do you want to use it for?

Buyer: I have a 2-year old Windows laptop and I need it to store my photos. I have about 30GB of photos.

You: 250GB is definitely more than enough for just storing your photos, so as long as you don't have many more files you might want to put onto the drive it should be just fine for your needs.

This last sentence instills doubt in the buyer. You could even add "you'd only need a larger drive if you wanted to be absolutely sure you'll have enough space in the future" but that might be pushing it a little bit. The point is, if you appear to have their best interests at heart it can be easy to make them think they want to buy more from you.

Again, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that planting ideas in the minds of others is not necessarily a nice thing to do. Use this information to detect when someone's doing it to you and not necessarily as a guide to do it to somebody else.

Edited by: Lawyer Asad

Be Assertive!

Assertiveness - How to Be Assertive
Definition of Assertiveness
A person who is assertive can be described as someone who:

Expresses their views clearly and articulately without being aggressive. Stands up for their own and other people's rights in a reasonable and clear way.
Allows other people a reasonable opportunity to express their opinions
without allowing them to dominate a conversation. One might also add a further more subtle element to the definition of assertiveness:

Having the courage to express one's own feelings, even about difficult
issues, in a way which is respectful and honest.
Understanding three different types of behaviour - Passive, Aggressive
and Assertive - helps to clarify what assertiveness involves:

Three Basic Types of Behaviour
1. Passive Behaviour
Passive behaviour is a type of behaviour which is characteristic of
someone seeking above all to avoid conflict. If this is a form of behaviour which you show then it is likely that whatever your own feelings you may allow others to make choices and take advantage of you.

2. Aggressive Behaviour
Aggressive behaviour is the opposite of passive behaviour. Someone who acts aggressively will express their own needs and wants freely but often without thought for the feelings of others and sometimes in a loud or intimidating manner.

3. Assertive Behaviour
As can be seen from the above definition of "Assertive", Assertive
behaviour involves acting in a way which is neither Passive nor
Aggressive but a happy medium between the two. If you can act
assertively you will express your own needs, wants and feelings, but
in a manner which is constructive and which allows others the
opportunity to express their own.

Why is it Important to Be Assertive?
If you behave in a passive manner all or most of the time, then it is likely that your own needs, feelings and wants will go unmet, unfulfilled and unrecognised. On the other hand if you behave in an aggressive manner it is unlikely that you will participate in relationships which are genuinely fulfilling and involve genuine
communication and respect.

In summary, it is important to try to behave assertively in order to:

Meet and express your own needs
Respect and communicate with others effectively
Engage in fulfilling relationships.
Becoming Assertive
If you are behaving in passive or aggressive ways and would like to
become more assertive, what can be helpful to you is to start to
identify the thought patterns that are underpinning your non-assertive
behaviour and to find effective ways of challenging or overcoming
them.

For example, some common thoughts or beliefs underpinning passive behaviour are:

The thought that if you express a viewpoint that the other person does not like they will become upset
The thought that if you express your own feelings and needs you may be
being selfish
The thought that you don't deserve to have your needs met.
If these are thoughts with which you can identify then it is likely that you experience low self esteem and will benefit from information or coaching to help you improve your self esteem and deal with the
negative thought patterns which contribute to your lack of assertiveness and your lack of confidence or self belief.

Some initial suggestions which may help you to be more assertive are:

1. Think of positive statements that you can say to yourself
("Positive Self Talk") to encourage you to take a chance and express
your needs in a reasonable manner.

2. Draw up a list of what the potential advantages for you and your relationships could be if you can start being more assertive in your behaviour. Use this as a motivational tool when you are trying to muster the courage to express yourself in a more assertive way.

3. Set yourself realistic specific targets - Don't expect that you
will become completely assertive overnight. Initially just set
yourself one or two specific aims for what you want to communicate in
a particular situation and how you might go about doing it.

4. Congratulate yourself for any successes you have in behaving a
little more assertively, however small, and try to build on them.

5. Don't put pressure on yourself to be perfect. Just do your best and
seek support if appropriate.

Edited by: Lawyer Asad