13 Habits of Exceptionally Likeable People

By Dr. Travis Bradberry, 

Author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likeable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few — the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented.

It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, being likeable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

In a study conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500 adjectives based on their perceived significance to likeability. The top-rated adjectives had nothing to do with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive (innate characteristics). Instead, the top adjectives were sincerity, transparency, and capacity for understanding (another person).

These adjectives, and others like them, describe people who are skilled in the social side of emotional intelligence. TalentSmart research data from more than a million people shows that people who possess these skills aren’t just highly likeable, they outperform those who don’t by a large margin.

We did some digging to uncover the key behaviours that emotionally intelligent people engage in that make them so likeable. Here are 13 of the best:

1. They Ask Questions

The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is they’re so focused on what they’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they fail to hear what’s being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost.

A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions. People like to know you’re listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows that not only are you listening, you also care about what they’re saying. You’ll be surprised how much respect and appreciation you gain just by asking questions.

2. They Put Away Their Phones

Nothing will turn someone off to you like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all of your energy on the conversation. You will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.

3. They Are Genuine

Being genuine and honest is essential to being likeable. No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them. It is difficult to like someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.

Likeable people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their own skin. By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an individual, you become a much more interesting person than if you attempt to win people over by making choices that you think will make them like you.

4. They Don’t Pass Judgment

If you want to be likeable, you must be open-minded. Being open-minded makes you approachable and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen.

Having an open mind is crucial in the workplace where approachability means access to new ideas and help. To eliminate preconceived notions and judgment, you need to see the world through other people’s eyes. This doesn’t require you believe what they believe or condone their behaviour, it simply means you quit passing judgment long enough to truly understand what makes them tick. Only then can you let them be who they are.

5. They Don’t Seek Attention

People are averse to those who are desperate for attention. You don’t need to develop a big, extroverted personality to be likeable. Simply being friendly and considerate is all you need to win people over. When you speak in a friendly, confident, and concise manner, you will notice that people are much more attentive and persuadable than if you try to show them you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what—or how many people — you know.

When you’re being given attention, such as when you’re being recognized for an accomplishment, shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help you get there. This may sound cliché, but if it’s genuine, the fact that you pay attention to others and appreciate their help will show that you’re appreciative and humble — two adjectives that are closely tied to likeability.

6. They Are Consistent

Few things make you more unlikeable than when you’re all over the place. When people approach you, they like to know whom they’re dealing with and what sort of response they can expect. To be consistent you must be reliable, and you must ensure that even when your mood goes up and down it doesn’t affect how you treat other people.

7. They Use Positive Body Language

Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation.

It’s true that how you say something can be more important than what you say.

8. They Leave a Strong First Impression

Research shows most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in your likeability. First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. Strong posture, a firm handshake, smiling, and opening your shoulders to the person you are talking to will help ensure that your first impression is a good one.

9. They Greet People by Name

Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it. Likeable people make certain they use others’ names every time they see them. You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you greet him. Research shows that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name during a conversation.

If you’re great with faces but have trouble with names, have some fun with it and make remembering people’s names a brain exercise. When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask her name a second time if you forget it right after you hear it. You’ll need to keep her name handy if you’re going to remember it the next time you see her.

10. They Smile

People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favour and feel good as a result.

11. They Know When To Open Up

Be careful to avoid sharing personal problems and confessions too quickly, as this will get you labelled a complainer. Likeable people let the other person guide when it’s the right time for them to open up.

12. They Know Who To Touch (and They Touch Them)

When you touch someone during a conversation, you release oxytocin in their brain, a neurotransmitter that makes their brain associate you with trust and a slew of other positive feelings.

A simple touch on the shoulder, a hug, or a friendly handshake is all it takes to release oxytocin. Of course, you have to touch the right person in the right way to release oxytocin, as unwanted or inappropriate touching has the opposite effect. Just remember, relationships are built not just from words, but also from general feelings about each other. Touching someone appropriately is a great way to show you care.

13. They Balance Passion and Fun

People gravitate toward those who are passionate. That said, it’s easy for passionate people to come across as too serious or uninterested because they tend to get absorbed in their work. Likeable people balance their passion with the ability to have fun. At work they are serious, yet friendly. They still get things done because they are socially effective in short amounts of time and they capitalize on valuable social moments. They minimize small talk and gossip and instead focus on having meaningful interactions with their co-workers. They remember what you said to them yesterday or last week, which shows that you’re just as important to them as their work.

Bringing It All Together

Likeable people are invaluable and unique. They network with ease, promote harmony in the workplace, bring out the best in everyone around them, and generally seem to have the most fun. Add these skills to your repertoire and watch your likeability soar.

Edited by : Lawyer  Asad 

5 Simple Steps for Creating Powerful Affirmations

By Natalie LedwellMatrix Mental Traps Quiz

Do you know what the majority of the world's most successful people have in common?

Well, besides being wealthy and sometimes famous, many of them actually use affirmations and visualization to bring their dreams and goals to reality!

One really good example is the story of Jim Carrey. Jim used to go up every night to Mulholland Drive and sit on top of his car, look out at the city, stretch out his arms and say: "Everybody wants to work with me. I'm a really good actor. I have all kinds of great movie offers."

He would repeat these affirmations over and over until he convinced himself that he had a couple of movies lined up. But he didn't stop there, he also wrote a check to himself for 10 million dollars, kept it in his wallet and then 6 months later he got this amount as a payment for his work on 'Dumb and Dumber'! Not bad, huh?

As you can see, affirmations are extremely powerful and the reason is because they directly affect our conscious and subconscious mind. And by consistently repeating them with conviction and passion, they reprogram our thoughts allowing us to not only change our state of mind, but to also materialize our dreams and goals regardless of how big or crazy they may seem.

So if you'd like to follow the footsteps of some of the most successful people in the world...

Then follow these 5 simple tips to create powerful affirmations, and start manifesting your dreams right away!

1. Start with the words, "I Am..."

These two words are extremely powerful as your brain knows that you're referring to yourself. Starting your affirmations with these two words will give your subconscious mind clarity and belief that whatever comes after them, IS your reality.

2. Write in the present tense.

When you say affirmations in present tense, you're reassuring yourself that you believe whatever is in your affirmation, is factual and real right now.

Your mind can't tell the difference between past or future, fake or real, this is why when you imagine yourself drinking lemon juice, you start producing saliva. Also, when your words are in the present tense, your mind can visualize the image at the same time.

3. Keep it positive.

Avoid words with negative connotations like 'not to', 'don't, 'can't', 'fear', etc. Our minds focus more on these words instead of avoiding them. For example, if I asked you NOT TO think about a blue elephant, your mind will picture a blue elephant even though I asked you not to think about it. Instead of saying 'I am able to get rid of stage fright', say 'I am enjoying the excitement of speaking on stage'.

4. Make it short and clear.

Remember that the main purpose of an affirmation is for you to be able to picture it and ingrain it into your mind. So when creating an affirmation, make it direct and specific.

5. Make it exciting.

When creating affirmations, you want to create positive, self-affirming, self-empowering statements that uplift and inspire you. So make sure you add fun and exciting words like, 'I am ENJOYING making $100,000 a year.'

Repeat your affirmations as many times a day as you can, even when you may feel you don't need to. Remember that consistency is key if you really want to make a positive and lasting change in your life.

Now that you know one of the greatest secrets for creating wealth and success in your life, I want to share with you something that personally helped me achieve the financial success that I had always desired - which was figuring out (and removing) any mental traps that were lingering in my mind!

Edited by: Lawyer Asad

This 100-Year-Old To-Do List Hack Still Works Like A Charm

The "Ivy Lee Method" is stupidly simple, and that's partly why it's so effective.

By James Clear / Fast Company

By 1918, Charles M. Schwab was one of the richest men in the world.

Schwab (oddly enough, no relation to Charles R. Schwab, founder of the Charles Schwab Corporation) was the president of the Bethlehem Steel Corporation, the largest shipbuilder and the second-largest steel producer in the U.S. at the time. The famous inventor Thomas Edison once referred to Schwab as the "master hustler." He was constantly seeking an edge over the competition.

Accounts differ as to the date, but according to historian Scott M. Cutlip, it was one day in 1918 that Schwab—in his quest to increase the efficiency of his team and discover better ways to get things done—arranged a meeting with a highly respected productivity consultant named Ivy Lee.

Lee was a successful businessman in his own right and is widely remembered as a pioneer in the field of public relations. As the story goes, Schwab brought Lee into his office and said, "Show me a way to get more things done."

"Give me 15 minutes with each of your executives," Lee replied.

"How much will it cost me?" Schwab asked.

"Nothing," Lee said. "Unless it works. After three months, you can send me a check for whatever you feel it’s worth to you."

THE IVY LEE METHOD

During his 15 minutes with each executive, Lee explained his simple method for achieving peak productivity:

• At the end of each workday, write down the six most important things you need to accomplish tomorrow. Do not write down more than six tasks.
• Prioritize those six items in order of their true importance.
• When you arrive tomorrow, concentrate only on the first task. Work until the first task is finished before moving on to the second task.
• Approach the rest of your list in the same fashion. At the end of the day, move any unfinished items to a new list of six tasks for the following day.
• Repeat this process every working day.

The strategy sounded simple, but Schwab and his executive team at Bethlehem Steel gave it a try. After three months, Schwab was so delighted with the progress his company had made that he called Lee into his office and wrote him a check for $25,000.

A $25,000 check written in 1918 is the equivalent of a $400,000 check in 2015.

The Ivy Lee Method of prioritizing your to-do list seems stupidly simple. How could something this simple be worth so much?

What makes it so effective?

ON MANAGING PRIORITIES WELL

Ivy Lee’s productivity method utilizes many of the concepts I have written about previously.

Here’s what makes it so effective:

It’s simple enough to actually work.

The primary critique of methods like this one is that they are too basic. They don’t account for all of the complexities and nuances of life. What happens if an emergency pops up? What about using the latest technology to our fullest advantage? In my experience, complexity is often a weakness because it makes it harder to get back on track. Yes, emergencies and unexpected distractions will arise. Ignore them as much as possible, deal with them when you must, and get back to your prioritized to-do list as soon as possible. Use simple rules to guide complex behavior.

It forces you to make tough decisions.

I don’t believe there is anything magical about Lee’s number of six important tasks per day. It could just as easily be five tasks per day. However, I do think there is something magical about imposing limits upon yourself. I find that the single best thing to do when you have too many ideas (or when you’re overwhelmed by everything you need to get done) is to prune your ideas and trim away everything that isn’t absolutely necessary. Constraints can make you better. Lee’s method is similar to Warren Buffet’s 25-5 Rule, which requires you to focus on just five critical tasks and ignore everything else. Basically, if you commit to nothing, you’ll be distracted by everything.

It removes the friction of starting.

The biggest hurdle to finishing most tasks is starting them. (Getting off the couch can be tough, but once you actually start running, it is much easier to finish your workout.) Lee’s method forces you to decide on your first task the night before you go to work. This strategy has been incredibly useful for me: As a writer, I can waste three or four hours debating what I should write about on a given day. If I decide the night before, however, I can wake up and start writing immediately. It’s simple, but it works. In the beginning, getting started is just as important as succeeding at all.

It requires you to single-task.

Modern society loves multitasking. The myth of multitasking is that being busy is synonymous with being better. The exact opposite is true. Having fewer priorities leads to better work. Study world-class experts in nearly any field—athletes, artists, scientists, teachers, CEOs—and you’ll discover one characteristic that runs through all of them: focus. The reason is simple. You can’t be great at one task if you’re constantly dividing your time 10 different ways. Mastery requires focus and consistency.

The bottom line? Do the most important thing first each day. It’s the only productivity trick you need.

Edited by: Lawyer Asad

78 years ago, a journalist studied 500 rich men and boiled down their success into 13 steps

Napoleon Hill interviewed more than 500 self-made millionaires over a span of 20 years (although he pre-dated Bill Gates). 

At the peak of Andrew Carnegie's career, he crossed paths with an impressive journalist named Napoleon Hill, who he trusted to document — and share with the world — the strategies that turned him into one of the wealthiest and most successful businessmen of all time.

"It was Mr Carnegie's idea that the magic formula, which gave him a stupendous fortune, ought to be placed within reach of people who do not have time to investigate how men make money," Hill wrote in the preface of "Think and Grow Rich," the result of his collaboration with Carnegie.

In addition to analysing Carnegie, who became the richest man in the world after starting with little more than a penny upon arriving in the US from Scotland, Hill studied more than 500 self-made millionaires over a span of 20 years.

His interviews and research culminated in the 1937 bestseller, "Think and Grow Rich," which shares what he calls the "money-making secret" in 13 principles.

There is no mention of "money," "wealth," "finances," or "stocks" within Hill's text; he takes a different approach, focusing on breaking down the psychological barriers that prevent many of us from attaining our own fortunes.

This approach is still relevant today, 78 years later. As personal finance expert Farnoosh Torabi said on episode one of her podcast, "Mastering your money has more to do with psychology and mind set than anything else."

Here are Hill's 13 steps, in his words and ours:

1. Desire: You have to want it.

All of the super wealthy started with a certain amount of dreaming, hoping, planning, and desiring before they became rich. They imagined riches before they saw them in their bank accounts, Hill explains:

Wishing will not bring riches. But desiring riches with a state of mind that becomes an obsession, then planning definite ways and means to acquire riches, and backing those plans with persistence which does not recognize failure, will bring riches.

This is not so different from the modern-day concept of visualizing a savings goal with a specific price tag.

2. Faith: Believe that you can achieve your goal.

Growing rich starts with your mindset — with the belief that you can accumulate wealth. Hill writes:

Riches begin in the form of thought! The amount is limited only by the person in whose mind the thought is put into motion. Faith removes limitations!

As self-made millionaire and author Steve Siebold writes, "Being rich isn't a privilege. Being rich is a right. If you create massive value for others, you have the right to be as rich as you want."

Building wealth all starts with your mind set. 

3. Auto-suggestion: Use affirmations to reach your goal.

Turning desire for money or success into reality requires sending your subconscious mind phrases and mantras that support your goal. You have to repeat out loud what it is that you want, and how you plan to get it, so you become obsessed with your purpose, Hill explains:

Your ability to use the principle of auto-suggestion will depend, very largely, upon your capacity to concentrate upon a given desire until that desire becomes a burning obsession.

For example, if you aim to save $1 million for retirement by putting away money every week, you would repeat, "I will set aside money this week to have $1 million in retirement savings," as many times as possible each day.

4. Specialized knowledge: Gain experiences and continue learning.

Knowledge is potential power. An education only becomes powerful and leads to great wealth when it is organized and applied to life. It also must be continually sought after. You're never done learning, Hill emphasizes:

Successful men, in all callings, never stop acquiring specialized knowledge related to their major purpose, business, or profession. Those who are not successful usually make the mistake of believing that the knowledge-acquiring period ends when one finishes school.

Many modern-day successful and wealthy people are voracious readers; they never stop learning and challenging their minds.

(Wikimedia Commons/Ineuw) Napoleon Hill studied hundreds of successful and wealthy individuals, including Andrew Carnegie, pictured above. 

5. Imagination: Come up with ideas and visualize your success.

If you can imagine it, you can create it, says Hill:

Ideas are the beginning points of all fortunes. Ideas are products of the imagination ...

Man's only limitation, within reason, lies in his development and use of his imagination.

Don't be afraid to come up with, and develop, ideas. "Whoever you are, wherever you may live, whatever occupation you may be engaged in, just remember in the future, every time you see the words 'Coca-Cola,' that its vast empire of wealth and influence grew out of a single idea," Hill writes.

Consider Sara Blakely, whose small, disruptive idea — making an incision in a pair of pantyhose — amounted to her booming, billion-dollar business, Spanx, and rocketed her into the limelight.

6. Organized planning: Take action.

Once you've visualized your success, you need to take action and go after exactly what you want. You must act with persistence and enthusiasm. Hill explains:

Opportunity has spread its wares before you. Step up to the front, select what you want, create your plan, put the plan into action, and follow through with persistence ...

Most of us are good "starters" but poor "finishers" of everything we begin. Moreover, people are prone to give up at the first signs of defeat. There is no substitute for persistence.

For instance, if you're looking to build wealth, start with forming a financial plan, and determine exactly where you want your money to go.

Self-made millionaire Tony Robbins delves into the psychology of wealth in his book, "Money: Master the Game." 

7. Decision: Defeat procrastination with decisiveness.

A key trait Hill recognized in all of the individuals he studied who acquired great wealth wasdecisiveness. Those who settle on decisions quickly know what they want, and they tend to get what they want. He writes:

People who fail to accumulate money, without exception, have the habit of reaching decisions, if at all, very slowly, and of changing these decisions quickly and often.

Decisiveness is not just a trait of the wealthy, but one of the most important qualities a leader needs to possess. At the end of the day, making a bad decision is better than making no decision at all. 

8. Persistence: Do not stop until you get what you want.

Persistence is crucial when trying to accumulate wealth, yet few people possess the willpower required to turn their desire for money into actual money. Hill writes:

Riches do not respond to wishes. They respond only to definite plans, backed by definite desires, through constant persistence.

The most successful people tend to have dealt with, and overcome, failure. "I've learned that it doesn't matter how many times you failed," Mark Cuban told Smart Business. "You only have to be right once. I tried to sell powdered milk. I was an idiot lots of times, and I learned from them all."

Shark Tank investor Mark Cuban. 

9. Power of the Master Mind: Surround yourself with the best.

The wealthiest people create a "Master Mind," meaning they surround themselves with talented friends and colleagues who share their vision. The alignment of several smart and creative minds is exponentially more powerful than just one, Hill explains:

No individual may have great power without availing himself of the "Master Mind" ...

A group of brains coordinated (or connected) in a spirit of harmony will provide more thought-energy than a single brain, just as a group of electric batteries will provide more energy than a single battery.

This may explain why rich people tend to make friends with other rich people. "Exposure to people who are more successful than you are has the potential to expand your thinking and catapult your income," writes self-made millionaire Steve Siebold. "We become like the people we associate with, and that's why winners are attracted to winners."

10. The Mystery of Sex Transmutation: Choose a compatible partner.

Sexual energy is an incredibly powerful human energy — it creates physical life and develops emotional life, and when it is harnessed and redirected, it can enhance our creativity, passion, enthusiasm, and persistence, all which are crucial in accumulating wealth, Hill says:

Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires. When driven by this desire, men develop keenness of imagination, courage, willpower, persistence, and creative ability unknown to them at other times.

Love, romance, and sex are all emotions capable of driving men to heights of super achievement. When combined, these three emotions may lift one to an altitude of genius.

While this step may feel like a bit of a stretch, having a supportive partner is important to career success. Research also shows that having a conscientious spouse can boost your salary by $4,000 a year.

11. The Subconscious Mind: Master positivity and dismiss negative emotions.

If you truly want to be rich, you have to plant that desire, and then your plan, into your subconscious mind. Hill writes:

The subconscious mind will not remain idle! If you fail to plant desires in your subconscious mind, it will feed upon the thoughts which reach it as the result of your neglect.

Positive and negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time. One or the other must dominate. It is your responsibility to make sure that positive emotions constitute the dominating influence of your mind.

If you want to be successful and grow rich, it is critical that the positive emotions dominate any negative ones that arise, Hill says. He was on to something: Today, research shows that positive, happier people are more likely to perform better at their jobs and are less likely to be unemployed.

12. The Brain: Associate with other smart people and learn from them.

Our brain is a "transmitter and receiver of thought vibrations" — it absorbs thoughts from other individuals surrounding us, making it even more important to associate with intelligent, creative, and positive individuals. Hill writes:

Every human brain is capable of picking up vibrations of thought which are being released by other brains...

The Creative Imagination is the "receiving set" of the brain, which receives thoughts released by the brains of others.

This principle is simply application of the Master Mind principle. It takes it one step further — rather than just surrounding yourself with people who are smarter and better, use the members of your group to find solutions to problems or brainstorm ideas. Hill calls this "blending of several minds into one," and suggests sitting down with a small group of people and diving deep into the problem at hand.

13. The Sixth Sense: Trust your gut.

The final principle — the "sixth sense" — occurs only after you've mastered the other 12 principles. You'll experience a sort of mind-shift, Hill says: "Through the aid of the sixth sense, you will be warned of impending dangers in time to avoid them, and notified of opportunities in time to embrace them."

While this principle isn't the most straightforward — Hill admits it is generally not attained until age 40 — his basic claim is that your intuition will change. You'll have achieved a level of wisdom that will allow you to start making smart financial and life decisions naturally.

Although it takes a while to master the final step, you can still get a lot out of the other 12 principles, Hill says:

No matter who you are, or what may have been your purpose in reading this book, you can profit by it without understanding the principle described in this chapter. This is especially true if your major purpose is that of accumulation of money or other material things.

The chapter on the sixth sense was included, because the book is designed for the purpose of presenting a complete philosophy by which individuals may unerringly guide themselves in attaining whatever they ask of life.

 Edited by: Lawyer Asad

The Only Habit You Need to Succeed

By Jonathan Mead / Paid to Exist

I’m tired of seeing people ride the struggle bus.

Personally, I’d like to sneak in overnight to the parking lot, and just blow the thing up.

It gets really frustrating when you see people with so much talent, value, and passion continually struggle to create lasting momentum and generate enough money to become self-reliant.

So, I want to start a movement in defiance of the struggle, a counterstrike of fierce optimism and resolve to show up, even in the midst of doubt, overwhelm and uncertainty.

Think about it, if you master just this one habit, you can achieve anything. I mean, anything. If you can develop the habit of showing up, even when things are the hardest, you win.

I’m going to share with you a roadmap for mastering this one habit in this article. Here’s the deal though, after this, there are no excuses. If you’re not doing the work, you don’t get to complain. Got it?

So, what is this master habit, exactly?

Daily growth, no matter what.

That’s it. Focus on the direction of the most growth, every single day, no matter what. No matter how you feel, no matter how much other things you have going on, no matter how much doubt, uncertainty or chaos is in your life.

If you do this, you win. Forever.

It seems like a simple, straightforward habit, but there are some pitfalls.

Here are where most people get tripped up:

• They’re not honest with themselves about what real growth activities are.
• They don’t even know what real growth activities are, so they can’t properly select them.
• They are unable or unwilling to show up, even when it’s hard.

The last one is really The Big Clincher. The challenge of doing purposeful work is that it requires you to grow, and act courageously. It requires you to show up even when circumstances are undesirable.

Life will always be fucked up. There will always be something easier to do than actions that make you want to throw up.

You will doubt yourself, you will face uncertainty, you will face distraction and overwhelm.

When you start focusing on activities that really push your edges, the kinds of activities capable of creating real, significant results, that’s when you meet you real demons. These aren’t the everyday garden variety fears and doubts, these are the monsters that make you question whether your existence is even valid.

If you want to overcome them, you must learn to show up, and sit through their onslaught. They will sling the worst psychic shit at you, ask you to question why you’re even doing this in the first place.

If your path is related to a gift that comes from your soul, be prepared for them to use this against you. They know this is where you are most vulnerable, especially when you’re trying to get that initial confidence in your offering.

Be ready for them. Be ready to stand your ground and let them know you will not be backing down. You will continue to show up and do the work no matter what.

But most of you, you need to…

Know the monsters weakness

Your inner demons will seem relentless and all-consuming at times. They would like you to believe that there is no way to escape the shadow they cast.

But if you know their weakness, they will not be able to influence you as strongly. They may not go away, but they will get bored and tire in their quest to deter you.

Here’s what you must do: Starve the monster of its favorite food: time.

The more time you feed it — analyzing it, trying to fight it, agonizing in its presence — the stronger it grows. The beasts of doubt love to feast on time. Feed it, and your doubts will grow so large it feels as if you’ve entered a black hole.

Action in the face of their assault is their greatest weakness. The more detached you can stay, the more you can know that yes, your feelings are real, but you and your purpose are larger than them, the stronger you will become.

Which brings me to the next point…

Stop honoring your feelings

One of the monster’s favorite traps to set is the “you must resolve these feelings, before taking action” trap.

It tells you that the way you feel is important, so naturally, you should honor it. If you don’t feel good, or if you feel doubtful, you need to honor that, resolve it and come back to take action another day.

When you do this, the beast wins.

Feelings are real. Yes, you should be curious about them. And sometimes it is helpful to question their origins and get to the bottom of what’s causing them. You can learn a lot this way.

But more often than not, feelings follow actions.

Sometimes you don’t feel like going for a run or doing yoga, but you feel great after you do it, right? The same is true with taking action on your purpose.

You don’t need to feel good to take action. Often you just need a little bit of momentum, a small dose of action, then the good feelings start coming. Nothing feels better than knowing that you showed up, even when it was hard.

And nothing, I mean nothing, builds greater character.

And anyway…

Your feelings might be bullshit

If you feel doubtful, but the reason you feel that way is because someone told you that you had to follow a safe, predictable, secure path devoid of passion, should you really honor that feeling?

Personally, I think it makes more sense to say “fuck this feeling” and honor the way you really want to feel. You have the ability to choose how you want to feel, and go in the direction of that. It’s called emotional fitness, something distinctly different than emotional intelligence.

Fitness is the ability to thrive in your environment. If your environment is full of doubt and uncertainty, you can be really good at understanding those feelings, but not necessarily skillful at overcoming them.

The more you practice showing up and starting as quickly as possible, the more emotionally resilient you become.

Remember, feelings aren’t always an indicator of the truth.

Show up, even when you don’t feel like it, and you will become unstoppable.

But, what do I actually do?

Good question, and this is where it becomes very useful to have feedback from other people. The problem is, you might bullshit yourself about what is really going to move you forward with making a living from your purpose.

You might say that you need more education, when what you really need is to ask someone to be your client, because you’re afraid of selling. You could easily keep “showing up” and wondering why you’re not getting the results you want, when from the outside, it’s very simple: you’re not focusing on growth activities.

So, what is a growth activity?

• It’s the next most powerful action to move you forward, that you can identify.

Often growth activities have several things in common:

• They’re slightly terrifying
• They require you to get out of your comfort zone
• They stretch you beyond your current capabilities

Let’s take a look at a few common challenges and what growth activities they match up with:

If you’re stalling on launching: The next most powerful growth action would be getting your god damn website up, and to stop messing around with tweaking your theme.

If you need more leads and traffic: It might be pitching yourself to the 20 biggest podcasts in your field to be a guest on their show.

If you need more sales and clients: It might mean talking to your people to get clear on their biggest pain, or booking as many free coaching sessions as possible.

Ultimately though, if you’re trying to get your foothold, you just need to be trying lots of really bold shit.

What’s the minimum dose for this habit?

I believe that you need to do this for at least one hour a day, with zero distractions if you want to get any kind of traction.

More, of course is better, but quality is the name of the game here. If you have a full-time job, and a family, you can still carve out one hour a day, even if you need to just give up an hour of sleep. I’m a big advocate for self-care, but sometimes you need to make temporary, short-term sacrifices for the long term benefit of your life.

When I was working to build my first business, I had a full-time job and went to school full time. And somehow, I still found time to work on it.

Here’s the thing, if you’re not willing to devote at least one hour per day to growth activities so you can make a living from your purpose, you honestly just don’t want this that much.

That’s no problem, but please, don’t keep complaining about how your work sucks. It’s up to you to change it.

The last resort of the monster: readiness

I believe that being “ready” is the biggest fucking myth there is.

I don’t even know what “ready” is. It’s a land where unicorns and dragons live. It doesn’t exist.

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You are where you are, most likely at the beginning, which means you need to spend a lot of time experimenting, exploring and trying things.

Don’t think that you need to be a master or have ultimate clarity about what you’re doing when you’re just starting. It will only paralyze you. However, you should be trying lots of shit at this stage. Action is the only route to clarity.

Make a habit of trying things. Put yourself out there and share your message. Do things that scare you. And please, get your fucking website up.

Edited by: Lawyer Asad